June 4, 2023


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lito gruet
Killing The Soul by Lito Gruet

I believe in my heart that one of the reasons I was saved from addiction was not just to be a good example of hope to those in bondage, but to also share their amazing stories of recovery. Real-life stories from real people. And I am proud to present the story of Tudor.

It was high school year 1992 when a friend invited me for the first time to drink, I said to myself it will be my first and last. To cut the story short, I found myself drinking almost every week. Later, a friend introduced me to weed, and again I said to myself it will be my first and last. And again, I found myself sniffing weed almost every day, I could not wait for another day to get high.
Time came when we got tired of weed that a friend suggested how about trying shabu. He said his cousin is a user and he can purchase for us. So we tried, and I said to myself once again, okay, I like it. But I heard it is very addicting, because back then shabu was still pure. So I said to myself again, it will only be my first and last. And of course, I found my self sniffing almost every week, once a week, twice a week then more.
Then it started like a snowball, everything changed for the worst. I skipped classes with friends to drink and do drugs I learned to once in awhile steal from my mothers wallet. One summer, me and my friends went to Masbate to visit a friend. We brought him weed for a present. We also brought a lot of spray paint because during those years vandalism was so rampant and we enjoyed doing it. It would make us proud vandalizing an establishment without getting caught as we would do it at dawn, and in the morning we would walk back to the establishment were we vandalized and felt so proud of ourselves seeing our “work”.  Going back, we took a bus and decided to stop at the crossing of San Rem and waited till dawn so we could take a hike and vandalize once again going  to the port of Haganay and take the boat in the morning going to Masbate.
Tudor, back when he still using drugs.

While in Masbate, on our way to a friend’s  house, we again decided to take a walk from the port, it was early morning but we were not afraid, we thought people in Masbate would not care if they see us. We dropped by at a school and vandalized. Little did we know that someone was observing us and followed us to our friends house. Just few minutes after we arrived and while we were about to have our breakfast,  police came with the principal of the school, and invited us to the station. They locked us up inside with two other detainees, while my friend who is from the place was in the table and was investigated. They were investigating him trying to find who we were and about our real identities. They thought we were NPA’S since only NPA’S would do vandalism in the place.

Fortunately her mother arrived and assured them that we were just high school students from the academy. After showing our school IDs, they let us go. Luckily they were not able to see our weed while they checked our bags. They only saw the spray paints and they were expecting guns inside. We went home and the following week our school was mentioned and published by the local newspaper about the incident and the school decided to expel us. My father decided to transfer me to a university hoping I would change, but I met more friends who have same interest and I continued drinking and taking drugs. I once again failed since I always skipping classes.
So I was again transferred to another university were I found more friends who has same interest and since the university I was transferred to was just a few blocks from the previous university, I started having more friends.   I continued drinking and taking drugs, but as time passed,  my father enrolled me to the University of San Carlos, one of the prestigious schools in Cebu. Fortunately for me, I found a friend who was very rich and has been to a drug  rehab twice, and another, a son of a police chief in Mindanao where drugs were so cheap.
Then it all started, everyday we would drink and take drugs, from small packs of P100 to P200 until each of us would consume 1gram of shabu per session. I learned to steal again from my mother’s wallet, sell my watch, any small thing from the house that my parents would not notice missing I would sell it.
I got worst and my father found out. I stopped schooling and I deteriorated further.  A friend who is a drug dealer become a close friend in a drug infested area. I stayed there and invested P1000 and repacked it to 100-peso packs and the profit is for my consumption. After a week a would go home and find something bigger to sell to invest more.
Time came I got so hooked that I would use it every day. I tried not sleeping a whole week. Once the effect subsided I would take again or drink alcoholic drinks so the effect will go back.  For straight 3 years I was a heavy user, I was so thin that my cheek bone became visible.  We experienced once being raided by the police but luckily we were outside the house when the raid happened. Our customers got caught with the nephew of my business partner.
One time I went home and found out that one of our trucks for business was sent to the repair shop for a transmission change. Lucky for me I found the money for purchasing the transmission at my fathers office. That time he did not hide the money as he was not expecting me to be home. I was so happy and went straight to my place and stayed again for more than a week. I went home knowing my father for sure was already angry.
I went home while my father was away and when I was alone in my room, I felt scared of my father for the first time. I also felt so down and depressed that I wanted to stop doing drugs. My father came and scolded me and told me that he no longer know what to do with me. I suddenly felt pity for my parents, for everything I have done, then I locked myself in my room and I started crying.
I thought of committing suicide and saw a bottle of Casino Rubbing Alcohol. It was half full. I went to the comfort room and saw a bottle of bleach and hydrogen peroxide, then brought it back to my room, mixed it and drank it. I felt the acid going down my throat to my stomach, then I realized, I could really die.
As I started to feel dizzy I ran towards my grandfather’s house and was met by my cousin, I told him what I did and told him to call my other cousin who is a nurse who came and rushed me to the hospital. I was hospitalized for 3 days. I said sorry to my parents and told my father that I really want to stop.  After 3 days, I was resting at home and we did self-rehab, gates closed, they locked there wallets in a vault and even placed all small materials that I can steal and sell inside an empty room and locked it. I  cooperated for almost a week but found myself at dawn sneaking out and climbing our fence, not thinking of bringing anything to sell. I was able to go back to one of my drug dealers and and lent me some drugs.
It was evening when I realized I broke my parents hearts again  I borrowed money and went home. My father gladly received me but I can see in his eyes he was hurting. We talked and I cried for the first time. He said lets go to your room and pray. We knelt down and asked God to help me. I told him I will pray later. He went out then the sign painted in one of the drug rehabs we visited before flashed into my my mind, which is Mathew 11:23. “Come to me all that ye labor and I will give you rest”.
For the first time, I knelt down by myself to pray crying, it was the sweetest prayer that I felt peace after. I just said over and over again, Lord, please help me. Please Help me. A week  after, my sister came for a vacation and decided to bring me with her back to her place were she was working as a staff under a missionary training program. She decided to enroll me in and I agreed. And it changed my life.
We were not allowed to go out for 3 months. I was surrounded with people who have different interests. We would wake up at 4:00 in the morning for worship. 3 months passed. I finished the training and dispatch day came. My assignment together with a partner was in Mindanao. My father asked the admin to just let me be assigned at the campus, but they did not agree. I told my father I will be okay, then I was sent to one of the mountains in Mindanao where natives are still around. Then everything changed. I enjoyed and had the peace.
After 10 months, it was time to go home. The fear of going home came, I felt like wanting to stay or be assigned to another mission field. Our last night came, I decided to stay one more night and asked my partner to go down ahead. I spent the whole night praying, asking God for His will, I told him Lord if go home and would be tempted again, tomorrow morning as I ride the habal-habal going down, please just take my life thru an accident, I would rather die serving you.
Morning came, I went down  and met my partner at the elders house and we headed back to manila campus for our graduation. While on the boat I was contemplating, and I prayed saying Lord, I will do what you want me to do, I will dedicate my life  for your service. Since then, I have been volunteering in mission trips  & promoting the missionary movement. Now I found myself in the health food ministry.
Then I happened to know sir Lito Gruet who is one of the directors of SAFEHAVEN RECOVERY VILLAGE. While he was ordering our vegan food and mentioned his delivery address, I shared my story and found out he is also brother in recovery.
I praise God for the extended life, truly his mercies endures forever. Without him I would not have recovered. With Him all things are possible. Praises and Glory be to Him!
* Tudor  heads  EDEN GREEN VEGAN FOODS DELIVERY and may be reached for orders at 09173376550